Regret
by galeaya
Summary: I remember sitting next to him and touching his shoulder. I remember wanting to hold him, to comfort him, I remember wanting to tell him that we were going to make it together. I remember wanting to tell him I loved him... But it was too late. Yuuram.


Title:Regret

Genre:Romance (sort of), Semi- angst, light-hearted comedy

Fandom: KKM

AN:Not as good as the I wanted it to be… damn, it's hard to write in his POV… I'm really not familiar with his type of character… I'm more of a Wolfram fan, so it's kind of hard for me to write as Yuuri…

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Mistake

It had been ( and still is, I think) the biggest mistake of my life.

He came like a god, the so-worshipped blue-clad blond prince of Shin Makoku, like the brilliant sun that shone on both our worlds.

He was even more that the sun, actually. He was as hot, as fiery… but he had that unyielding passion in his eyes – his green, green, endlessly green eyes – that the life-star could only glare its spindly light tentacles at.

He was, in the least words I can say, the infinite source of human (and here I hear him yell at me that he is a full-blooded Mazoku) emotions.

The first time I saw him, I was smitten – with awe, with fear and with unexplainable anxiety mingled with excitement. I instantly knew by the sour angered look on his rather handsome (bishounen) face that he was not someone to be messed with. The look he gave me at that time pierced me painfully, and though I had never seen this man before, I knew perfectly what he thought of me. I felt it through his gaze, his emerald orbs like ember under the dancing sunlight. He didn't want me to be there, he didn't want me to take over…

He didn't want me to be crowned.

I take it back. I realize now that I had committed a lot of big mistakes… but there had been three (really) life-altering ones. I regret each of them with all my heart, but I regret the last the most…

I had been welcomed into this world, this country in the strangest ways: from the toilet-travel, to the cosplaying people, to the flying Kohis (I still can't remember their whole names), to my secret nazukeoya, to Gunter's 'fanboying', to Adalbert's mangy, unruly blond hair – which reminds me of…

And yes, of course, I am reminded of my first meeting with Wolfram. He was standing so confidently, hands on his narrow, girlish hips, a frown marring his beautiful face. I looked at him, stared and gaped like a fish. But that was not my mistake.

I should have punched him. Now that I look back on it, it was rather /gay/ of me to slap Wolfram across his face. Granted that he does look like more than just simply girly (I am going to admit that I thought he was gorgeous, but only here where I am the only witness to my self-given curse), I knew in my heart that hitting him would only bring trouble…But slap him I still did.

And it did bring me trouble – trouble far greater than I could ever imagine. I should have listened to Gunter and Conrad when they told me to take it back. I should have noted the ashen look on Wolfram's face. I should have seen the glare – overprotective and mistrustful – that came from Gwendal's way…

Heck, I should have seen Cheri-sama's mischievous wink.

And then there was the challenge. How I always manage to get myself into these messy situations – and always a duo, always in pairs – I'll never know. But all's well, because I had come through unscathed and had finally been accepted as the real Maou… right?

But Wolfram nearly didn't. Up till today, I shudder at the thought of what I had done to him. I nearly killed him; I had strangled him with my water dragons in my anger, and I really had no guts to even apologize afterwards. No one could tell me – Gunther was all too busy fussing over my health, Conrad was _too nice _to reprimand me and Wolfram couldn't look me in the eye. No one but Gwendal could look at me and tell me what I had done.

I could imagine Wolfram's pain. I mean, his element is fire, and I had surrounded him with water… he must have felt weakened, must have felt choked… couldn't breathe… couldn't see… couldn't even move… water all around, tight… crushing… (1)

_Cold_

I shake myself out of my self-induced reverie and glance up ahead. Everyone I know is here right now, happy, celebrating. The past few weeks had been hell, and it seemed that the castle would never recover from the dour mood.

But we made it. It a real good sight – refreshing – to behold; all the guests were laughing and enjoying themselves, Lady Cheri and Greta were at the buffet table, talking to some of the lords (I hope she's _not_ introducing my pretty _baby_ daughter to any of them), Conrad and Yozak are laughing along with their soldiers, Gwendal's actually conversing with Lord Stoffel (2), and Wolfram's…

Oh

He's not here… but I guess that would be… normal… Expected. Of course he wouldn't come. I had hurt him.

I had betrayed the most important person in my life. (2)

I had been so cruel, having him follow me around like a lost puppy, making him think that there was a future for us…

Together…

It's not like I wanted him to do that… but maybe I should have made it clear. I should have insisted that it wasn't possible for us to have a fairy tale ending, no matter how much our story is shaped up like that.

I should have taken it back.

I hadn't known that a slap meant a proposal. I hadn't known that by beating him – not only once or twice, but thrice – would seal his fate – a future with me, where only I had the right to be loved by him.

I wanted to break it with him. I really did; I even took time to consider how to actually phrase things to make it less painful (I want to say I wanted it to be less painful for him and his pride, but I was actually thinking how to lessen the beating I would receive from him…) for the both of us. I guess I shouldn't have taken too long. I didn't realize that by doing that, I trapped him into actually falling for me…

Hard

And it wasn't only him.

And we did fall. He promised me he would fall with me, if he couldn't save me first. He was always there for me, guiding me through all my journeys, my victories, my blunders. Whenever I needed someone to comfort me he was there, especially when my nazukeoya had abandoned me. He didn't pamper me and treat me like a child, and he wasn't hero-worshipping me because I was the maou. He was always there to keep me grounded - he kept me from getting arrogant and big-headed about being the king. He protected me (well, at least he tried to) from my enemies, he put me on top of everything else in his life…

He promised me he would fall with me, but I didn't – couldn't promise him the same.

I let him fall alone, just as he had feared when he decided to love me. But it wasn't as I couldn't. I've really come to care about him, but I just couldn't let myself fall in love with a _guy_, much less my best friend. It was taboo… at least on earth…

And that was second mistake. I took the depth of his feeling for granted, because I didn't want to see how real they were. I was afraid to see how real they were. I didn't want to be gay. I just couldn't.

Then I found her.

Like Greta, she was sent to kill me – an assassin of Shimaron, bent on taking revenge. But like what happened to my darling daughter, she changed after meeting me and getting to know me a bit better. After that we became friends.

We were always together. She would take me out to the fields with Greta, and we'd always have lots of fun. Don't get me wrong, I didn't love her like that at all. Sure, we may have painted a picture of the perfect family, but I didn't like her like that. She was just a friend – much like Anissina and Gisela.

But I admit that she's really beautiful. She has really soft blonde hair trailing up to her shoulders, and she has the fairest skin… too bad her eyes are brown; it would have been better if she had emerald green eyes…

Ugh, there I go again! I'm not supposed to be even thinking about Wolfram!

But I couldn't help it. She was my third mistake.

It happened the day when Yozak (3) had the bright idea to "christen" me and take me drinking. I should have said no. I knew it would only bring me trouble!

And of course, the rest… the rest was a complete mess. I only remember drinking heaps, and then I was getting to bed beside Wolfram. Or who I thought was Wolfram. I should have realized that Wolfram had a different scent.

But I didn't realize it wasn't him until next morning, and by then it was too late. We had done it, and a few weeks later, we found out that we had an heir.

I could still see the look of anguish in Wolfram's face.

I remember talking to him after I woke up that morning. I was expecting him to blow me up and flambé me, but instead he was very calm. He was so quiet, and his eyes were dull – as if they had the life sucked out of them. When it was decided that we had to marry if there was going to be a baby, he looked at me and said we had to break up the engagement.

Everyone just stopped and looked at him for the first time that day. I felt my throat clench at the expression his face held, but I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. It had already screwed up everything.

That afternoon I sought him out to talk to him about the engagement. I found him in Cheri's garden – he was just sitting there and looking sightlessly at the blooming flowers.

He had a Beautiful Wolfram in his hands.

I remember sitting next to him and touching his shoulder. I remember feeling him stiffen up to my touch. I remember wanting to hold him and comfort him, I remember wanting to tell him that we were going to make it… together.

I remember wanting to tell him that I love him…

But he spoke before I could, before I could explain anything. He had tears in his eyes, and his cheeks were pale. His hands shook when he reached for mine, and I could hear him holding back sobs.

It was clear to me. I had hurt him, and it was irreparable.

But still, he smiled at me. It was so sad and loving at the same time. I had never seen so clear – I had never seen his love for me so clear before this. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't afraid of being with him anymore, that I was ready to take the risk…

"Wolf, I-" _love you, I want to be with you… please give me a chance!_

"I understand Yuuri… I… I guess I already saw it coming, but I was in denial…"

"It's not-" _like that, I don't love her!_

"I know you love her… and I want you to be happy…"

"Wolfram…"

"Even if there's no baby, I still want to break this up. This has gone too far." _But I don't want to lose you…_

"… I…" _don't want to, Wolfram… _"… get it, Wolf…" _I'll back away…_

_I'm sorry I hurt you…_

We never talked about it after that. He would always avoid the issue, and of course we formally broke our engagement after finding out that there wasn't going to be a chance for us to get back together.

Thus the wedding. Today's supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but I can't help but think of him. I suppose I could learn to love my … wife… as I have with Wolfram, but…

He's here!

I see him moving towards me, and I want to greet him! It's been too long since he last approached me… but I see tears in his eyes again, as I had that day. I bite down the vile taste in my mouth as he stops in front of me. I suddenly feel like throwing up, I want to hide from him and deny everything that has ever happened…

I surprise myself as I talk first.

"Wolf? What's wrong?" _I'm wrong! I don't want to be married to her!_

"Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to tell you something..."

"What is it?" _Please tell me you still want me… please Wolf! _

"Yuuri... I... I wish you luck." _No… I want to run away… It's you I want, Wolf…_

I smile at him, but I feel so bitter inside. I want to die. He's here, the only chance I have at happiness… and I'm letting him go… _You've hurt him too much, Yuuri… He can't love anymore…_

"Wolf -" He shakes his head, cutting me off. He finnaly looks up to me, and with teary eyes, smiles…

He gives my arm a squeeze, and I swallow back a cry…

"Thank you , Yuuri. For everything." _I don't want to say goodbye, Wolfram… Don't leave me…_

He turns away and leaves me behind…

_Don't leave me Wolf… _

I can't do anything but stand there and stare at his retreating back…

_It's over, Yuuri. He's not coming back._

I let my own tears fall, as the bells clang at me mockingly overhead…

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1 – I know Wolfram was kicking and screaming and wasn't really in too much pain, but I just couldn't help it! Considering Yuuri's personality, it's really probable that he thought of it that way…

2 – I couldn't resist putting this one in… Gawd, Sasuke, is that you?!

3 – Yozak's name can be spelled in numerous ways, but the real and correct spelling of it would be Josak. This is because their names are German-based, and in Germany, "J" is pronounced as "Y." No, I'm not German, and please correct me if I have it wrong. I got this from watching Das Boot and K-19 (I heard it!)…

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Gale: wow 2409 words.. another record!

Aya: well, there you have it folks! The promised part two!

Gale: it's no good... we couldn't get Yuuri right...

Aya: yeah, he's too ooc... Darn...

Gale: I hope you guys aren't as disappointed as we are...

Aya: -L-


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